Friday, September 11, 2009

A different sadness today

While what happened 8 years ago is absolutely heart-breaking...something happened exactly 1 year ago today that really affected me personally.

On this day, last year, I had to put my doggy, Charlie, to sleep.  He was my first dog (and pet).  He was a strange mix.  Half Rottweiler...half cocker spaniel.  I have always loved animals, but my parents never wanted a pet.  Finally when I was in 7th grade, I managed to talk my parents into it.  We went to the pound, and Charlie was the only dog not barking.  After we brought him home, we actually worried he might be deaf because he was so silent.  But he could hear we thought his voicebox was maybe damaged.  And then one day...he barked!  It scared the crap out of all of us.

We had such fun times with him.  He loved to play ball in the yard until we got tired (he never got tired).  He loved to go for long walks.  He also loved to step on my feet.

As he got older, he developed a ton of health problems.  He was growing a huge tumor near one of his back legs (thankfully it never affected his walking).  He developed a thyroid condition.  He got arthritis.  And then his cataracts got so bad that he was fully blind (thankfully we had started voice training him to go up and down curbs so he did okay on walks still).  We asked the vet, and she said as long as he was still happy, to let him be.

And then one day, he wasn't really eating anymore.  And he was just laying there sleeping all day and all night.  The drive with him to the vet was one of the hardest things I have ever done in my whole life.  I tried to do it by myself...but I was bawling so hard that I just stopped my car at the corner and waited for my mom to come get me.  He walked himself into the vet, but dog - the one who would never let us pick him up at all - let the vet scoop him up and take him away.  And my mom and I just stood there and cried and cried.  I'm crying now as I write about this.  It really was one of the worst days of my whole entire 26 years of life.

So today, on this already heartbreaking day, I just want to take a moment to remember my dog...and to let all of you know a little about him as well.

RIP Charlie

(Charlie is the black dog.  As you can see, he looks like a Rottweiler but was the size of a Cocker Spaniel.  Argus is the white dog and I have blogged about him a bit in previous posts)


Anonymous said...

So sorry you lost Charlie. I can't even imagine how hard it was for you.

Just thinking about losing my baby can make me start crying!!

R.I.P. Charlie

Liz Mays said...

I'm so sorry. He sounds like such a wonderful dog!

Michelle @Flying Giggles said...

It is always hard losing a pet. They are definitely part of the family and so very loyal. I am so sorry for your loss. I am happy you are taking time to reflect and remember.

Smellyann said...

I'm so sorry about Charlie. I'm glad you reflected on him today. It is so hard to say good-bye, especially to the really great ones like him. (((HUGS)))

Sarah said...

I understand all too well. We put our beloved "kitty" to sleep on Jan. 11, 1999. She was 17 years old and I was only 21 (had her since I was 3). I couldn't go into the room but my Mom did. She is in my bedroom in an urn as I type. I think about her often still and miss her tremendously. This is the only "big loss" I have ever endured so far. I've been lucky to have all of my human relatives living...I miss that cat like crazy. It's so hard to have that decision to make when you know that they would go forever if they could and you have to be the one to say goodbye....Hugs.

janetfaye said...

I am so sorry. I know how you feel. My little poodle that lived with us for 17 years died in my son's arms last November. I am still so very sad about this.

Serendipity is Sweet said...

Aww, Charlie sounds so sweet and like such a cool character :D I know your heartbreak. Last year, just before Christmas, I had to put our Great Dane down because of bone cancer. We treated him for 3 months and then one day, I knew it was time. He had not gotten up for almost 24 hours. I finally looked at him and said, "Max, are you ready to go to the vet?" He got right up, walked out the door, climbed into the car and we left. I remember him looking out the back of our Jeep Cherokee as we drove out of the neighborhood. It was as if he was saying good bye to the life he had known. It was so heart-wrenching and awful.

I have had several pets and loved them all, but Max was very special to me and I was "his person." I love him so and miss him terribly.

I am sorry for the loss of your Charlie. I hope maybe he's in a sweet and sunny grass field, playing ball with Max :)

Anonymous said...

What a touching tribute to Charlie. Thank you for sharing this and my thoughts are with you :) At least you will always have the memories :)